Living Poop

Before winter Matt and I were outside talking and we noticed that Barkley, our then 6 month old puppy, was in the back yard trying to play with something that was moving. He would put his snout down to the ground and whip his head back up while he jumped his front paws around. Matt and I both guessed it was a frog because it's the way he acted days before with a frog in the driveway. Rearing his head back when the frog jumped away, or "at him" as he thought to play. Judging by the continued pawing and jumping Matt told Kyle to go save the frog from Barkley's torturing. 

Kyle, who likes the frogs in the yard, trudged through the yard to try to get the frog and not upset Barkley, who might turn and jump on him and place him on the ground for taking 'his toy!' Kyle began looking all around but acting like he couldn't see the frog. Matt and I both said, "oh Kyle just get it, it's a frog, it's right there!" He hollered back up, that he didn't see a frog! At this point, I'm thinking, oh great, now he doesn't want to touch frogs. I wonder what his older brother said that caused this. Matt and I are pointing to the area in the yard that the dog is jumping around, where he can see the movement in the grass and Kyle was still so adamant that he couldn't see a frog. 

All at once we were all looking at the same spot and it moved, Kyle yelled that it's not a frog! Matt asked him what it was if not a frog? Then Matt turns to me and he was asking me as much as himself "Is it a snake? It's probably a tiny snake. Go see if it's a snake." I started to walk towards Kyle and Matt told me to get the shovel, I laughed out loud. I may be walking to see what it is, but I am certainly not touching it, killing it, moving it; I'm just looking. At this point Kyle was walking back up to us and Matt asked him again, "well...what is it?"

Kyle looked right back at him and with all the seriousness in the world says,

    "I'll tell you what it is, I'll tell you...It's living poop! It's not a frog, it's not a snake, it's living poop!"

I busted out laughing, like uncontrollably laughing. Kyle did not think it was funny and looked at me like I was out of my mind for laughing about this. I laughed so hard my face hurt and I had tears in my eyes because he was so serious and confident that he discovered what it was. 

Matt's like what is he talking about, laughing at me because while it was funny to him too, my bent over holding my belly while Kyle looked perturbed was quite the scene. I mean, Kyle was so positive. 

Matt grabbed the shovel and we both walked/jogged to discover what 'living poop' looked like. 

For all of you that don't know what 'living poop' looks like...well...it looks like a ground mole!

I guess that's just what a day living in the country can look like. 

Competitive

I am most certainly not an 'everyone gets an award (participation) trophy;' more of an 'if you want it, then you earn it' person. So... when I play games with the kids, I am not a mom that just lets you win. I do not tease or become a sore winner, but you do not cry if you lose, you just try harder. But I have been known to allow my 5-year-old some help during a game, and maybe select the raised card in his hand during Old Maid.

When I was young, I remember now and then playing games with my mom and dad and receiving the game of Life. I had finally whined enough for my parents to play, because Life is a longer game that parents tend to save for another time, and unfortunately my dad won. He jumped around upon winning, dancing and yelling, "you lose at Life! I am the CHAMPION! I win Life!" Of course, he was teasing.

While I don't act quite like that, I still am competitive and it's hard for me to lose, I don't like it. I really don't like it, and yes maybe my dad's behavior aided in my competitiveness. 

This Christmas my son Lane (12 years old) received Chinese Checkers, and upon him opening his gift, I remembered being a kid and playing with my great-grandma multiple times a day. Along with those fond memories I was looking forward to playing with my son. However, my son was not as excited and eventually mentioned he didn't want to play. After about two weeks with an unopened box, my husband said he would play but didn't quite remember the rules, so he'd review the directions. We set up the board while Morgan (age 7) and Kyle (age 5) watched and whined they wanted to play. Anytime my husband moved a marble, the kids automatically assumed he was winning, and being that he wasn't, he conveniently didn't correct them except for one small whisper that mom was doing better. 

During the game, Matt mentioned several times that if he practiced and started to strategize better, he'd crush me. Did I mention that I haven't played since I've been a kid? Can you see how silly my competitiveness can become?

I did win, as you can tell, and actually smoked my husband, as he finished by moving all his marbles into the star section and claiming to the two little ones that it was a tie.

Which was fine, until...

...a day later when we were all eating dinner and Lane brought up the game. He asked me if I finally found someone that would play. Morgan informed him that dad played mom. My husband hurried to add that he "smoked mom but it's okay because she didn't stand a chance!" Lane started laughing and I didn't correct Matt because I knew he'd then say I couldn't just let it go, I'd have to let the kids know I won. Then I'd feel like it's just a game and not that big of a deal if the kids know who really won. As Matt continued to tease me about how I lost and need to try harder, the little ones chimed in by saying, "yeah dad put all his marbles in really fast!" Lane of course loved it and continued to laugh about mom losing.

While I wanted to say, "your dad put those marbles in really fast because the game was over, and mom won, " I knew I couldn't say a thing without Matt then really teasing me about how competitive I can be. 

But you know what, "I did win!" 

Phew, at least I feel a little better :)

Dinner Table

Our family still sits down at the dinner table almost every single night to eat. Nothing formal, we use a lot of throw away plates, but we try to all sit as a family each night. Matt does when he’s home and not on a crazy shift. Typically we talk a lot about the kids school, who said what, who they talked to or played with, who is in what grade, etc. They attend a small school and know most if not all of the kids, so my husband and I have gotten to ‘know’ the kids as much as we can through Lane and Morgan.

The other night Morgan casually mentioned that there are several kids in her school that are neutered. Yep, everyone stopped eating and just looked at each other to make sure we all heard the same word, neutered, and that Morgan said it. Kyle didn’t care or know what it meant so he resumed with his dinner. The rest of us weren’t about to let this go! I asked Morgan to repeat what she said. 

“Yeah a couple kids in my school are neutered.”

Lane, 12 years old, looks at me and knowing what this is, mainly because we just had our dog neutered a couple months ago, starts to laugh and is ready to lose it. They both attend the same school. 

Matt mentions that it can’t be what she means to say. And I told her that no one in the school is neutered and she couldn’t possibly know any of this. 

She insisted that kids are neutered. Because she kept saying it, of course, it became funnier! Matt asked her where she even heard the word, to which she promptly responded with, “my teachers say it!” Lane is now rolling with laughter.

I asked her to name the kids she thinks are neutered. When she named the few she knew, Lane yells, “Morgan they are tutored! Not neutered, TUTORED!”

And the classic Morgan response, “yeah, well, same thing!”

Not Acceptable

 Over the holiday season our family went to Siesta Key and usually when we fly (which isn’t that often) we fly out of Pittsburgh, but this time we had planned to fly out of Harrisburg. The airport in Pittsburgh is just a little closer with driving distance but a much bigger airport and didn’t have a direct flight into Sarasota. So even though Harrisburg is a little farther we thought it would be better. Let me clarify, the adults thought it would be better, the kids hate the car, so they wanted the shortest drive possible. 

Morgan thinks a 15 minute ride in the car anywhere is too long, like going to the grocery store is a hassle for her. 

The kids knew ahead of time that we would have about a two and a half hour car ride to get to the airport but that I would take snacks and they each had activities for the car and plane. We were only about 15 minutes from the house when it started. 

Kyle started messing with Morgan, he crossed the imaginary line in the car and touched her coat several times. Morgan responded at the top of her lungs with, “Kyle, you remember when I had corona?! Well, this is the coat I wore, it’s covered in covid Kyle...covered in covid! Now it's the rona coat.”

Matt told her to calm down and she couldn’t say things like that! I’m trying my best to not laugh out loud and telling Kyle to stay on his side and not mess with her. 

I looked at Matt and said it’s too early in the car ride for this! 

We got about another mile or two and we both hear Kyle say, “I’m just tellin’ you now, if they make me sit in the middle seat on the plane, I’m whipping out my nerf guns and whackin’ and stackin’!” 

Matt turns around and yells, “these conversations are not acceptable!” 

I’m laughing and when Matt sees me, his face breaks into a smile and he shakes his head. Hindsight - maybe laughing and joking about the Tiger King wasn’t such a great idea. 

Surprisingly, we did manage to get on the plane after making sure Kyle didn’t take his nerf guns.